Curvy Diaries: The We That Never Was -Ep. #1

Disclaimer: All characters and events mentioned in the Curvy Diaries series are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

The we that never was.
The we that never was.

I met this boy three years ago, and right off the bat, I knew he was going to be a huge part of my life. I was eighteen, and was in my first year of college then. I was at my cousin’s birthday party, and there was this guy wearing a dirty old shirt with basketball shorts, and flip flops. He had this cool yet unassuming vibe, which was pretty rare among high school kids, plus he was extremely cute and nice. I usually fall for bad guys, but this guy was totally different from the rest that I’ve met. I didn’t care about the 3-year age difference, either. He acted pretty mature for his age anyway. I liked it. I liked him a lot.

So after convincing myself to make the first move, I went up to him and said hi, we introduced ourselves to one another, and that was it. “Hi my name is Mimi.” I nervously said. “I’m John”. In my head, I was doing my happy dance, while my heart was doing backflips. “You’re cute!” I blurted. Uh-oh, word vomit! The words just spilled out of my mouth. He smiled politely, and shrugged the comment off. I wanted the ground to open up and eat me alive. The craziness and excitment made my knees wobble. I pretty much felt like I was drunk on 3 liters of happiness, and I wasn’t even drunk to begin with.

Nothing really happened after that. It wasn’t like I could do anything, really. He was just a kid, and well, we did have different priorities after all. After a couple of days or weeks maybe, I still couldn’t stop thinking about him, so I finally admitted to my cousin that I had a crush on John. This silly little cousin of mine told John about my thing for him, and the three of us started hanging out. It was pretty awkward at first especially with the crush issue hanging over our heads, but eventually as we got to know each other, the awkardness faded. We forgot about the “thing”, and we became really good friends. Yes, I was friend-zoned, HARD! There was really no use dwelling on the idea. At that point, what mattered was that I got to spend time with him. He’s a pretty good guy, especially for a 15-year old. He’s respectful and humble, a great cook, an awesome musician, and a football player. Yes, to me he was (and still is) a keeper, both in the literal and figurative sense. Haha. I think what bonded us the most was our love for music. There would be days where we would just make music at home. His regualr visits would involve him picking up my guitar, and me singing along with whatever he’s playing. Whenever I’m with him, there really is little need for conversation. His presence is usually enough to make feel safe and happy. Everyday, my fondness for him grew and grew, but I just kept it to myself. I knew he didn’t feel the same for me, so why waste time thinking about it, right? It wasn’t like I planned on acting on whatever I felt for him, until one day, he asked me why I liked him. As in, why I had a crush on him. I was stumped by the question. I couldn’t really think of a proper answer, I mean I don’t think there is even a proper way to answer that. So I just told him, “Because that’s how I feel.” I don’t think what I said even made sense. I mean, how do you explain to someone why you like them. You just do, you don’t need reasons, you’ll just feel it.

After that conversation, things changed between us, in a good way. He started opening up to me. We would have long late night conversations about life. Sometimes he would rant about how his girlfriend is like this or that, and I just listened. Well, it stung a little, but I’m glad he trusted me enough to share intimate details about his life. Back then, I already accepted the fact the we were never going to be more than friends, although a part of me wanted to believe that we just had a bad case of the right person wrong time syndrome (it’s when you think you’ve met the right person for you, but all the odds are against you. No matter how hard you try, your paths just couldn’t sync together). We had so much in common, fate had me believing that somehow, we could happen. Nevertheless, I still forced myself to stop expecting too much. When you expect things, you get disappointed, and I learned this the hard way. Eventually college took up all my time. His visits became less and less, until they stopped completely. Life went on without him. I mean, I survived 18 years of my life without even knowing he existed, I’m going to be fine. Fortunately, I met new people, tried relationships and had new experiences. When he vanished, it didn’t affect me much, I didn’t even feel a thing. There were days when he’d randomly pop into my mind, I’d feel a small pinch in my heart, but it would vanish as quickly as it came.

After 2 years, my encounter with John just seemed like fleeting seconds in the entirety of my life. Until one day, all the feelings that I thought were already gone came rushing back into my heart like an unstoppable flood. There I was, on a Sunday night, minding my own business, when somebody knocked on the door. To my surprise, it was him. I think I was in shock for a few seconds, not because he was there, but because I looked like crap (I haven’t even bathed yet, for crying out loud). He was wearing this huge smile, like he had a secret or something. I felt a cold sweat rush through my body, and I could feel my hands trembling. Why was I so freakin’ nervous? I’ve never felt this way before. To kill the awkwardness, I tried my best to hide the nervousness in my voice, I gulped the last bit of pride that I had, and mustered a lame-sounding, “What are you doing here?” He replied, “Nothing, I just missed you.” I pretended like I didn’t hear it, and asked him to come in. When I turned to face the direction of the living room, he ambushed me with another comment which threw me off for good the whole evening. I don’t know what he was looking at, but he said, “Hey, did you lose weight? You look great.” I turned to face him, eyes widened at him. He was still wearing that stupid grin on his face. In my head, I was trying to come up with a witty remark that could mask my already blushing ego, but all I could do was notice how much he’s changed. I’m doomed was all I could tell myself. This boy’s finally got game.

(To be continued…)

Read the next episodes here.

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