Most nights, I find myself tossing and turning in bed, with a flurry of emotions churning in my stomach. I wake up all sweaty, feeling empty, lost, and alone. I think you‘ll never know how lonely you are until you see the other side of your bed, still empty and unused. Or how unfulfilled your life is until you hear about your friends and their great jobs, while you‘re stuck at home with no diploma, no life.
As a twenty-something, I know it‘s too early to say it‘s too late, but sometimes I can‘t help but feel like my life is going nowhere. When I was 18, I had my life plan mapped out, but ‘til now, I haven‘t achieved any of my goals. I‘ve taken a lot of detours, and look where that got me — no degree, no stable job, and no boyfriend. When I was a teenager, I was hoping I‘d be stable and married by the age of 25, but if I were to stay on that track, I’d just be disapppointing myself. I’ve got three years left, and I‘m not even close to where I want to be.
I wrote that 23 months ago, even before I met my current boyfriend. Fast forward to today, life has changed a lot. Although everyday is still a struggle, life has never been this good. I have someone who loves me, I finally know who my true friends are, and most importantly, I now know who and what I want to be.
The funny thing about life is that a lot of unexpected things happen. Sometimes we‘ll find ourselves stuck on the ledge, scared and confused. Some choose to take the shortcut down, but the stronger ones lift their heads up and gather all their strength to take a step backwards. It takes a lot of guts to re-asses your life. It takes a lot of guts to admit to yourself that you’ve made bad decisions and that your current life is not how you hoped it would be. It takes a lot of guts to take the broken parts of yourself and put them back together. But you know what, it’s fucking okay, because none of us are perfect. We cry and bleed, don’t we?
We’re entitled to make mistakes because we’re young. It’s the rough times that are going to shape us into the persons we were destined to be. Just keep on pushing and never lose faith in yourself. Never lose faith in Him. We all have a purpose and if we stay patient enough, we’ll all soon get there.
“To the great people we will be…” -Mace, That Thing Called Tadhana